


Friends

by screamingstrawberry



Series: Sympathetic Deceit Week [1]
Category: Sanders Sides
Genre: College AU, Deceit is sad, If You Squint - Freeform, Sad, touch starved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-02
Updated: 2018-07-02
Packaged: 2019-06-01 03:18:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15133919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/screamingstrawberry/pseuds/screamingstrawberry
Summary: “He wasn’t happy, wasn’t sure if he felt any better, but at least his friends were here with him.”Dee has a rough night, so his friends help him out.





	Friends

It wasn’t uncommon to find Dee with his legs stretched out on the floor, back leaned up against to his desk, fighting the voice in his head that berated him. There was that little part of him that wanted to scream, wanted to tug at his hair, to kick his feet and demand that things go his way. He slipped his hands up in between the strands of his brown hair that he hadn’t washed today, resisting the urge to scratch at the clothes made his skin itch.

Dee didn’t want to care about what it meant to be a he, what it meant to feel wholeheartedly. Dee didn’t want to resist the twitch in his hands every time he watched one of his friends shower another in affection, celebrating each other’s uniqueness. Dee didn’t want to think about the difference of attraction to romance and romantic attraction, or the long list of broken hearts behind him that he tried to pass off as miscommunication. Or not finding the one yet.

He wanted to sleep, and never wake up. Stay in dreamland where things were either so fuzzy and hazy that he felt soft as cotton candy, or they were horrifying, the worst he’s ever felt. But at least he could clearly recall the fear embedded in every bone of his body, keeping him from speaking or moving. At least there he could feel.

Dee’s shoulders shook, twitching along with his stomach as he cried. The tears didn’t even run, damn things. They just stayed collected at the edges of his eyes, blurring his vision until he attempted to wipe them away with the back of a shaky hand. His mouth twisted up, and he turned a little to the left to avoid the stand up mirror facing him, he didn’t need more to feel bad at the moment. He wasn’t sure how long he had sat there, clutching the small stuffed snake that branded his university’s logo, until a knock interrupted him from his self pity.

It could have been an RA or anyone else, but of course it had to be Patton’s tenor voice coming through from the hallway. Dee imagined Patton had his head pressed against the wall next to his door, as he’s opened to the sight many times. Patton would usually be humming something, the energy in him buzzing through his veins causing him to bounce with almost every part of his body. He was taller than most, the tallest of their friends at least, and his limbs just stretched so far that he was kind of everywhere at once.

And Dee didn’t even consider that he would’ve had people with him, he was up and opening the door before his brain could catch up with him. His eyes registered that the other three were standing behind him, but all Dee could see was that damn blue polo of his being as short as Dee is, and next thing he knew his eyes were squeezed close and arms were being wrapped around him.

He was pushed further into his room, it suddenly felt smaller than any other room they’ve all been in together. Logistically that was because he was in a single, and they were in a kitchen suite with two double rooms and an empty, so his was smaller. But as he wrapped his arms around Patton’s waist, he wanted to be closer. He wanted just a little of the warmth or the joy that the older man radiated to transfer to him. Dee felt a hand slip between them, brushing away the hair falling over his eyes and collecting a bunch of tears with his thumb, a soft, sibling-like kiss pressed to the top of his hair. The move was comfortable, and he almost felt bad for pressing his cheek against the hand like until he heard Roman’s deep bass laugh a little wetly.

Dee lifted his head from Patton’s chest, tried to pull away in an attempt to gain some dignity back in a group where he never had any to begin with, when lanky arms wrapped his shoulders pulling him into another hug. A hand patted his back, and Logan stepped away, and Virgil’s hug was as soft as quick as it was rare.

“You wanna talk?” Patton asked, his voice low and quiet and fuck, Dee felt like a child the way he shook his head no in response, and practically made grabby paws at him. Patton smiled though, pulled him into a hug anyway as things moved around them.

By the time Dee pulled away, Roman was putting a handful of candy wrappers in the trash bin as he hummed along to an old Bowling for Soup song that Virgil had started playing from Dee’s open laptop. If Dee had the energy, he would reach over and close the email tab that was still open, the start of tonight’s breakdown, but he didn’t so it was left staring him down from across the room. A battle with his past, a reminder of the people he’s hurt, of how he’s evil, doesn’t deserve-

Virgil closed the tab. Didn’t just minimize it, apparently not caring at all what was on it as he pressed the little red x, but definitely noticing the way Dee’s eyes blinked back at him when it was gone. And now that he had his attention-“When’s the last time you ate anything besides those?”

Dee forced a smile passed his lips, wiped at his face, turned away from them, anything to not appear as weak and pathetic as he felt mumbling “Maybe Monday?”

“It’s Thursday.” Logan replied, there was a stiffness to his voice, and Dee bit his lip. They were mad, god he couldn’t even do so much as eat, and-laugh. Just laugh it off. Dee shrugged, smiling even though it kind of hurt, and mumbled an apology. “We should go get some real food in you then.”

Dee’s stomach wasn’t grumbling, it wasn’t like he was fighting against hunger of any kind, he just wasn’t hungry. So he just made a nonchalant noise, climbed over to use the step stool for his bed, being as he was shorter than most who kept their beds on the top notch, and wondered if they’d leave. “I can take care of myself, I know I act like it, but I’m not a baby.”

“No one called you a baby.” Roman replied, leaning against the closet door as a soft ukulele song played. Probably one of his additions, Dee thought to himself, the fact that the group tended to use his account since he was the only one with Spotify premium made him feel a little more integral.

Virgil sat in the chair by his desk, Pat joined Dee on the bed, and Logan leaned on his arm laid out next to the tv on his dresser. Roman bent down next to him, picking up a familiar flash of green and waving. “Childhood stuffed animal?”

“No.” Dee held his hands out and Roman tossed it his way, everyone kind of watching the way the shortest of them clutched the snake to his chest, pushing his face into it.

“I gave it to him.” Pat leaned over, nearly falling on top of Dee completely as he attempted to knock shoulders with him. Dee made a noise of agreement, soon enough the room would be filled with laughter and fond memories of middle school dance hits, but for now a smile came easy. He wasn’t happy, wasn’t sure if he felt any better, but at least his friends were here with him. 

* * *

The memory casted a ghost of a smile on Dee’s face as he pressed the face of the familiar stuffed snake into his tear filled face months later. He was cornered around buckets of his university stuff in the living room of his family’s one floored apartment. One of his sisters were sleepily loudly on the couch next to him as he scrolled through the photos from the previous semester hoping it would make him feel a little better. It didn’t. All it did was remind him that there would be more nights ahead like this. Trying to muffle his cries as his emotionally exhausted brain fought sleep for just one more hours as the same dreams that had comforted the desolate student, now only teased and terrorized him. It reminded him how empty the suite would feel with Patton no longer attending the school, Roman transferring in December, Virgil ignoring him, and Logan furious with him since he’d gone risked his health by forgetting to eat again. Yeah, the memory may have soothed him for a moment, but now all it did was make him miss them even more.


End file.
